When I think back on my kids I feel a sense of sadness. They are amazing and wonderful kids today and I am proud of them like no tomorrow but they are grown. I think back and I can´t remember everything. I have fuzzy images of their beautiful little faces, their funny expressions and the way they moved. Everything about them is precious.
I want to remember every funny thing they said and every funny thing they did. I want to remember the times when they were naughty and made me crazy, the times I failed (guilt) and the times they made me laugh. I want to remember everything.
Today I have an amazing relationship with them all but I have my guilt for all of the things I did wrong. All of the things I should have said and all of the things that I said.
Every night I dream about the children and they are always little. I have one in a baby carriage, the others running around wild and me trying to catch them.
It is funny really because it is my subconscious telling me I just want to live it all again.
I called my son the other day and said I wanted to go to a hypnotherapist to let me remember everything. I don´t know if that is healing or not but when the kids leave there is a missing feeling that is permeating through your heart.
I would give almost everything to get one day with them when they were little so take each day to appreciate what you have. Write down all of the funny things they say and be in the moment.
Be you but remember that they will be them and in time you will forget who they were as children. Nurse, give a bottle, wipe, sing, cuddle and be.